I let people walk over me a lot. I let people say what they want to say and think what they want to think because I have learned that reality doesn’t really matter and the TRUTH ..well… the truth is never fully reached and not many people understand the word in itself.
However, in everyone’s life sometimes, there comes a time where a person jumps a fence, or in more familiar terms, “crosses that line.”
You crossed that line the day you said what you said.
I know you don’t like me. I understand that you still haven’t let go of him. That you’ve married a man you don’t even love. That it kills you because I’m so nice and never stoop to your level. I understand this.
But to say what you said was beyond unacceptable.
I know you don’t know me personally, but honestly that is why you shouldn’t have said it.
Have you ever sat in a room as a doctor tells you “the chances are worse than slim to none?” Have you ever sat across from a person you love more than what this entire world has to offer, someone who already has a child and has talked several times of having more one day with you, and had to tell them…”I’m really sorry…would you be against adoption?”
The big question here is why would someone even joke about such a disturbing issue such as this?
The bigger question is why would I make up something like this?
I guess you think it’s attention. Or maybe even shame.
Well let me let you in on a little secret
It wasn’t just news to someone. It was the most heart breaking news I could have ever received. Sitting in that office, all of my kids crossed my mind. All of the children that I had come to love so incredibly much over the past four years. The children I had sacrificed so much time, so much heartache, so much emotional stress over. The children who I had decided because of them…because of those faces looking up at me with a look I hadn’t seen the first time I’d met them…the look of hope… the look that SOMEONE in this world cares enough about them… I lost a piece of me that day, and even though I am carrying a miracle, and even though the doctor was wrong, and even though I get to be something I never thought I’d really ever get to be…I still haven’t gotten that piece back.
you know, you can sit over there on the couch all day, being so happy and stress free about your pregnancy…hell, you’re so stress free that you’re lighting up ciggs and downing starbucks coffee.
But me? I am so scared. I won’t touch anything that I think might harm anything. I won’t touch caffeine. I can’t even stand being around people who smoke…I am so peculiar about everything.
and I’m not stress free. I have this hidden feeling deep down inside me that something terribly wrong is going to happen.
So no, I’ll never get to express how much you hurt me that day…for once… congrats to you by the way.
I’ll never get to tell you this because honestly? What good would it ever do.
But how dare you. How dare you attack me and say something like you did. I’ve done nothing to you. Regardless of what you think, regardless of what you and your husband spread. I’ve done nothing to you except try to offer a hand of friendship and be overly understanding and kind to you.
Normally words don’t hurt. I’m a master of words.
But you saying that simple sentence. Brought back all of those emotions… all of the emotions I still have trapped inside….
and to me, was a very low blow, even for you.
I have kept this in, and this is me letting it go.
I feel so immensely sorry for your life.